Wave Chasing

I had grand plans and the very best of intentions today. Nothing out there to spend money on, a to do list that was gonna get knocked out.

Then the gas station had to happen. (3.90 a gallon, FML.)

And the grocery store.

And it was the first truly gorgeous day we’ve had this spring. And then it became, fuck it, tacos and day drinking outside in the sunshine.

Then stretched out on my bed with the cats with the ceiling fan on hurricane mode and gently dozed for a nice amount of time and forgot about the shitshow that is living in the US for a while.

Was it a productive day? Not really.

Was it a good day? Hell yes.

Separate from everything – I saw this morning that WordPress will allow AI agents to create/manage/post content – that will NOT be happening here. Everything here is 100% me.

Stats for the day:

Mental Health: Medium to Good

To Do list accomplished: 47%

Net Worth: Down 1.13% (Turns out incompetence in government and illegal wars are bad for my 401k and my very sad little brokerage account)
Debt Load: No change 🙂

Spending on not-regular bills: $54

$17 on cat supplies, $37 on lunch for two. (Voted on VA redistricting today, it needed a treat afterwards.)

Debt payoff date still May 2034

Retirement age back to 70.

Also got into a tiff with management about AI tools, but didn’t get fired (yet) so, mixed bag, LOL.

It’s payday, though, so YAY!

Stats for the day:

To Do list accomplished: 32%

Net Worth: Up 1.37%
Debt Load: DOWN!! .25%

Spending on not-regular bills: $285.

Sigh. $100 out the door for groceries, $100 for wordpress, $90 on the cats, and $25 on a book*, but $28 in cashback on my credit cards.

*Yes, I need to go to the library, I know, but at least it was from an indie bookshop.

Things don’t feel *quite* so soul crushing at the moment, so that’s something.

Had a decent enough day at work – got stuff done, didn’t cuss anyone out.

Got some minor things done around the house.

Realizing I’m dealing with ADHD burnout and I need to do something about that, and I also need to start working out again. Problem is, when you’re fried and drained, it’s fucking hard to start working out again.

I did hit my step goal for the day, but…my Garmin bases it off historical numbers, so, we’re not talking 10K here.

Stats for the day:

To Do list accomplished: 55% – nothing major, but hey, it’s something.

Net Worth: Up .15%
Debt Load: Up .03%

Retirement Age – 69.9!! (Sure, I’m an unexpected root canal away from it being 75 or never, but hey, it’s ever so slightly closer and some days you need to grasp at whatever straws are there.)

And somehow still employed, despite everything, so that’s something.

I’m hoping that if I start putting this out into the universe again, I can get my shit together.

Stats for the day:

To Do list accomplished: 11%

Net Worth: Down .10%
Debt Load: Up .11%
Debt Payoff Date: May 2034 (This seems…optimistic, but it’s what the spreadsheet says)
— Car Loan payoff: Feb 2027
Retirement Age: HAHAHAHAHA. 70? Maybe?

Onwards and upwards and all that.

Gawd, everything is SHIT.

I am struggling to re-establish any kind of routines for the house.

Work is work, but every day I wonder “is this the day our shitty executives decide we can all be replaced with AI?”

My finances are shit, because I have to support another person and I just don’t make enough money for that, and it seems not a day goes by that I don’t have to spend money on *something*.

Oh, and the whole fascists running the country thing to boot.

But, trying HARD to focus on the positive.

• I still have a job
• I have a roof over my head
• I have two great cats
• I at least got the daily stuff done today around the house

Mostly work.

Took care of the kitties.

Nothing really beyond that.

Expenses: Car tax. Bleah.

Things are… eh, middling here. I once again have managed to lose all my routines. I hate my brain so much – it takes ages to get any routine set, and then it takes nothing more than a stiff breeze to wreck it. Being neurodivergent sucks ass sometimes.

Like, I know need a very tidy space and structure and routines to function. I also HATE structure and routines, and lack the mental & physical energy to implement structures and routines and get things fucking tidy. Oh, and all that leads to anxiety and depression. YAY BRAIN.

Granted, it seems to have been a bit more than a breeze that fucked my routines – my beloved cat was diagnosed with a carcinoma in March and my focus was very much on her pallative care. We were able to give her three really good months. She passed away in June, and in July, we brought home two wonderful adult cats, and my focus has been on helping them adjust – they’re doing great.

Still employed, which is good. Not making enough to support myself and another person, which is not so good. And with the job market the way it is for anyone in tech – jumping for a 20% increase just isn’t happening. And my company knows damn well they’re underpaying people, but they also know we don’t really have anywhere else to go. It’s a bit demoralizing that they KNOW we’re underpaid, aren’t doing anything, and still want “above & beyond.”

But, not really much I can do about that but try yet again to get things straight and try to create some accountability for myself.

This is what I managed today:

• Cleared out my gmail account
• Took my vitamins (holy shit I’ve been bad about that)
• Emptied the kitchen sink, scrubbed it and did the disposal drops
• Watered the plants

Not much, but better than nothing.

Spending – zero! Yay!

Tomorrow will be a little better. 🙂

Or alternatively, Fuck My Life.

I was already in the red year to date thanks to medical & vet bills.

And then I did my taxes.

Fuuuuuuck me.

Not too much terribly exciting around here, mostly just keeping on keeping on. Never gonna be able to fuckin’ retire between the Republicans wanting to push back the retirement age and decimate Social Security at the same time and my company once again giving me an effective pay cut by keeping wage increases below inflation. Oh, and I got to give my dentist $2700 this week. Good times.

House is still repairperson ready and I’m listing out everything I did today because my brain is being a bit shit again – the rational part knows I’m not lazy, the irrational part refuses to believe it, and I’m hoping I can look at it and convince myself that a lazy person would not spend like, 2-3 hours on a Sunday doing all this.  

• Got coffee
• Ran the dishwasher
• Wrote a blog post
• Made cheesy ranch bacon dip for later
• Emptied the dishwasher
• Kitchen Trash Out
• Refilled and ran the dishwasher
• Watered plants
• Pruned one of my plants
• Replaced Plug Ins
• Bedroom trash out
• Ordered more Plug Ins for next month
• Cleaned Litter box
• Cleaned humidifier
• Cleaned mouth guard
• Ordered Licky Sticks for her majesty before we ran out
• Realized things seemed extra drudge-tastic thanks to no music – fixed that
• Cleaned kitty water fountain
• Cleaned the upstairs bath drains
• Scrubbed kitchen counters, stovetop, oven, and dishwasher front
• Emptied dishwasher yet again
• Made cold brew for the week
• Got the recycling out
• Cleared out the kitchen baskets
• Won container drawer Tetris!
• Tidied up the car
• Quick tidy in the living room
• Got laundry going
• Sheet pan potatoes and sausage in oven for dinner side

Like, this is an objectively good day! And it’s only 3:30, I still have tons of time to relax. 

Onwards and all that.